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Name: Monica
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 10/8/1986
Gender: Female


Interests: "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21
Expertise: "But let Him who glories, that he understands and knows Me." -Jeremiah 9:24
Occupation: Student


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AIM: hugglebeetuna


Member Since: 7/4/2004

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Sunday, April 30, 2006

This revolutionary.

There's never been a revolution without blood. They are characterized by death but fought for life. For freedom. Death is frightening but at the same time...death is what gives life it's meaning. It's the contrast, the opposite but it is because it is the compliment and ultimate extension of and a deepening of life.

I'm fighting. I'm fighting a battle not only that I never thought I'd fight but I didn't know it existed. It was beyond the reaches of my brain. Until now. I'm fighting for freedom. Grace. Truth. Freedom.

"For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."  - John 1:17

Dawn is breaking in my heart. For the first time I understand grace. I understand the gift that is given to me. I feel like my world just changed from black and white to colour.And recognizing how empty it was before makes me keenly aware that even now there's so much more to it that I cannot possibly comprehend. It's like trying to describe a three dimensional image to a two dimensional being. My only explanation: the Holy Spirit.

Point-counterpoint: Christ>Christians

God is love.When I love it is not a picture or proof of my relationship with Christ. It is the very act of loving Christ. The only human who ever had the right to throw the first stone with Jesus. But He loved. What's wrong with Christians? Why are we the first to proclaim that it's wrong to judge and yet we're the first to judge. Sure we don't "send people to hell", but that's only because we do not have the physical ability to do so. Little Christs? It's blasphemy.

"Where will she go to church?"

I don't ever was to fit back into the dead exoskeleton that I am finaly free of. My new body is soft and vulnerable and frankly it hurts. But it's worth it. It was worth it this morning. It will be worth it tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry. I'm excited. I'm ashamed. I'm enlighted. I'm small. I'm bigger than I was. I'm tired. I'm ready.

 

Currently Listening
Poses [Bonus Track]
By Rufus Wainwright
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

"Staring at the blank page before me..." Not really sure where to start. First of all...LUKE came to see ME! Right here in Virginia! You guys...there are just no words to tell you what an amazing weekend we had! He drove 10 hours overnight to arrive at the end of convo on Friday morning. We walked around campus and I showed him my world. (He even got special pernission to come INTO my dorm!)

Then (after I broke his truck!) we got into my roomate, Lee Ann's, car and the four of us, including my other roomate April, drove to my Aunt and Uncles house in Va beach. There is no way I could do the weekend justice. I spent every waking moment and more with Luke and my face legitimatly hurts from smiling way too much.

We went for a 7 mile hike in a "forresty area"...

and played in the Atlantic Ocean several times in several different climates. We drove the mini-van down the highway making new (much longer than nessesary) routes and blairing music that requires dancing.

We twisted up our bodies in Twister and twsted up our minds in thoughts we'd never thought before.

I think my favourite memory of the trip though was driving to a 24 hour waffle house with Luke around 1 am and spending the following hours going places we'd never been and living life how we're supposed to...or maybe how we are not supposed to...

The trip was beautiful. It was a joy to be with my VA Paladinis and my roomates and my Luke. I came back to school feeling rested and simply put...I am loved. 

Fun memories:

Letters from "Dean Dane"...trains...humidty like I have never felt before...Broken doors...writing on the wall.

Playing the cow game...I definatly won if you count fake cows...April got "up on her high cow" about having negative cows...For some reason Lee Ann has a knack for spotting graveyards...Luke found no cows.

Singing..."Have fun going out!" My new fave song from Jeff..."My Humps!" April. Enough said...Kell Clarkson loud enough to drowned out or off key screaching...and all in a mini van.

Cat calls in questionable apparel...mohawks...Climbing in spite of the "Do not climb" warning...Standing alone on the endge of the continent looking at unnaturally white peaks come crashing on the beach and feeling truly "infinite".

"Dog" named lilly...Highways named 46...tunnels...smoke...sunscreen...Shots of childrens Bubble Gum cough syrup.

Lee Ann and April...you are amazing. I could not ask for better roomates or friends.

Uncle Mark, Aunty Tracy, Sam, benny...I couldn't be here without you. You don't know what a godsend you are.

Luke...Thank you for reading the book.

I love you.

Currently Reading
Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality
By Donald Miller
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Monday, April 10, 2006

5 weeks until I will be on my roof and walking through the farmers' market and watching my bro-ha graduate...5 weeks until I will have to say good-bye to big parts of my life and fly away from them for the summer...1 week until I get to put my 2 weeks notice in...All is vanity...but I don't believe happy is a yuppy word...My toothbrush is always wet...

Yuppy or not...I'm happy.

 

 

Currently Reading
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
By Stephen Chbosky
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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

One of my friends just sort of randomly said "I wish I had a narrarator for my life." No one responded or even seemed to hear, but his words stuck in my head. I though why would he want that. Why does that sound so appealing to me? It's because the narrarator is all knowing. He sees the end of the story. He has perspective and isn't wrapped up in the details (though of course he sees them perfectly). I though "how nice that would be". And then I realized I have one. I can't hear an audible voice or read along with him, but it isn't my place as the character. My story is written. I have a plan and a porpose. I just have to let the narrarator narrarate and watch his beautiful story unfold.  My heart still feels full, but now theres an underlying peace that makes me know that no matter what, I'm gonna wake up in the morning with hope.

Nevertheless...should you feel inclined, prayers are welcome and so appreciatted! This heart needs relief and these arms need hugs!

All I've got, all I am
All my dreams, all my plans
I'm holding back
I'm holding nothing back from You

All I've got, all I am
All my dreams, all my plans
I'm holding back
I'm holding nothing back from You

I surrender it all
I lay it before You
For all of my days
I'll give You the glory

You cause me to see
my heart is divided
Lord take all of me
Cause I have decided

All I've got, all I am
All my dreams, all my plans
I'm holding back
I'm holding nothing back from You

Lord whatever it takes
I trust You completely
I'm here in Your hands
if you need to break me

 


Saturday, March 04, 2006

Wow what an opportunity! I think I'll just savor the moment...savoring...I am in a postion to totally deface Monica's xanga. AND wouldn't ya know it I have absolutely nothing to say.  But I have pictures ...hehehe...but let me think logically about this, will she kill me before I even have the joys of reading comments about them? I think I'll take a chance you only live once, right, and even then its only as a vapor.


Sleepy Sleepy


Oh so talented - or not


And she discovered the closet...


Wasting salt you naughty girl

 



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